On 11th January 2023 the students from Block 2 of this PgCert cohort were given a quick task, albeit an unnerving one. We were to introduce ourselves in a quick power point presentation, no longer than 5 minutes, were told to include a reflection on a pedagogy practice or idea that sparked our interest, very open.
I suppose everyone expected that a broad introduction and that self centred moment was on the cards, either to have it in person or online, sooner or later. For me getting to know more the building blocks of UAL and the expertises, experiences and diversity within was one of the main reasons to undertake this course. And yet, I felt totally unprepared for it.
What about me I wanted to show? What about me was helpful to show? What about my practice was interesting to the others? There are so many layers and details about ourselves as people that are not necessarily reflected in our daily tasks. Is what I do a reflection of who I am? Are my future ambitions more of me than the present and past experiences? All of a sudden a couple of slides sounded both too little and too much.
Looking back on this exercise now, more than a week later, I can lay down two main points for my personal reflection:
Comparison, insecurity, what is the right thing to say based on what others are showing. This insecurity for me was always associated with young student years, formative years? Immaturity? I thought I was past this and was something normal for when you are a teenager, perhaps something to do with hormones and socialisation, building personalities and all that generalisation that we make when we look to the "teens". It turns out that no matter how old, experienced, how many degrees you completed and survived, that first day in school feeling will always follow you. That insecurity of what to say, which part to show and which vulnerability we want to admit might follow me forever and at every first school day. I'm cool with that. The pressure I put on myself to break down who I am to the listeners. I madly overthought that aspect to the point of identity crisis, I felt that I couldn't explain and every information I left out (because wasn't relevant to the task or would make it too long) was questioned by myself as an attempt to hide. Of course we can't show our full selves in 5 minutes, but what we choose to show and what we choose to leave out? How can you even make that decision and not reflect on your choices and how you see yourself? Am I showing what I want to be seen as or who I am? Who is the judge of that? Well, looking back and very much at peace now, it didn't really matter that much. The task was so simple, really was just an ice breaker, a quick intro on what we do and how that links to our learning goals within the PgCert. It sort of was obvious from the beginning, but the over-thinker in me takes things to a different level, it was a fun ride. Psycotherapy sessions are not cheap, maybe I owe myself a couple of pounds for what I made my brain go through unassisted. Rumbles aside, I completely deviated from the reflections and discussions about pedagogy that were very interesting. I swear I totally got involved in those and did my own reading prior the session. I also missed on this post to reflect on the array of very interesting people I got to meet and diversity of ideas, jobs, backgrounds and intentions with this course. I guess that will need to wait for another post. How not to be self-centred when you start an exercise talking about yourself?
Until the next time.